double l's birth story

pre-birth story here

so there I was sitting in the office, emailing friends and family to inform them that my little one was not going to arrive that day. I sent my bub to work and went to work myself. actually, at this point I was working from home full-time, so I called my boss and team to inform them they were stuck with me for a couple more days. as I sat through conference calls, analyzed reports, and sent emails. I frequently noticed the contractions that I never stopped having since california where more intense at times and by the end of the day I notice they seem to be closer together. after preterm labor and two false labors, I told myself there was no way I was going back in the hospital (on my own) until I could walk. bub arrived home and we chatted about how we heard that pepperoni pizza induces labor. we laughed and decided to take claire for a little walk before we would put our order in. we went for a little walk and headed home. at this point, I acknowledged I just was not feeling well. we stopped to speak with a neighbor and I headed up our porch ahead of kris. as I reach the last step, it is the most vivid memory I have of labor, a pain that I never felt before shot through my belly down through my legs, almost dropping me to my knees. and then it was gone. I immediately thought "what the heck was that". I headed in the house and upstairs. and then "they", you know the contractions, kept rolling in. every three minutes, the next one hard than the last. tears fell involuntarily down my face as I rolled around on our bed. kris came up and told me it was time. time to call the doctor and time to head in the hospital. so, we did! the car ride felt like an eternity. even though my bub made it in record time (25 minutes) to the hospital with me yelling through every contraction. which at this point they were ever 2-3 minutes and seemed to overlap one another. one comes in and as it dies down, the next one was already starting. For a second, the pressure I felt, I actually thought "could this child be born in this car!!!". we got to the hospital.

a short comedy acted followed, not sure if it was relief that we were finally there or a break in the contractions, but I demanded we park the car and walk. um, yeah not the best idea COURTNEY. bub reluctantly parks as he told me later he was not going to debate any of my decisions at that time with me. no way. no how. we headed through the parking lot and there they were. you know, those contractions. I took a few steps and then literally propped myself up on the brick wall. I looked at him and said I can't walk. thinking maybe I could have the baby right there :) he ran inside and came out with a wheelchair. "where the heck did you get that", I asked as it wasn't like a nurse or doctor was with him. he told me it was just in the lobby. a brief smile came out as thought he totally stole this from someone. at that point, it was the sweetest thing he has ever done for me. I know insanity. but cut me some slack, I was in labor. we run through the lobby and a group of people say "you know where to go?", we yell "yes" and head straight, they yell back " you need to go left", we look at each other smile and then I quickly go back to my grunting which is me trying not to scream from pain. finally, we make it.

now the real fun begins right. the nurse checked my immediately and with a somewhat scared look on her face she said to other nurse, "she is almost 8, we need to call the doctor". um yep, apparently my doctor wasn't there yet. I heard 8 and said "WHAT". and then I proceeded to inform the nurse that I changed my mind and that I no longer would like a natural birth. drugs were becoming a great option. she looked at me and said as soon as the doctor gets here we will speak with her. I knew it is too late and I did not how I was going to get through this birth. I told the nurse I could not do it and I will never forget her sweet response, she looked at me and said "sweetie, you are doing it". I labored on which felt like hours but it was barely 45 minutes and then I got this intense urge to PUSH. nurses rushed over telling me "NOT YET". they checked me and then said it "she's 10 and baby is down". SHOWTIME!

the doctor comes in, knees go to the ears, the hollywood spot light comes down and shines you know where, you ladies know the drill... I pushed and pushed. the nurses told my doctor about my change of heart regarding drugs and the epidural lady peaked her head in. me - I am just pushing and yelling along. the doctor asked if I wanted to stopped and I just thought to myself I wanted this over, I wanted to see my baby and stopping would just prolong it. so I pushed. the baby's heart-rate seemed everywhere on the monitors. and then it happened. the pain was so intense and it felt like the baby was just not coming out. and he wasn't. he wasn't making it through the birth canal. they gave me the epidural. and I most say, I turned into a new woman. for the brief 10 minutes when it was calm, bub and I regrouped, prayed and laughed. enjoyed the thought of meeting our little one and finding out if the baby was a boy or a girl. and then in a blink of an eye, I had three nurses and my doctor in the room. oxygen on my face, them turning me to my side, no change. "what is going on?" "baby is in distress and the heart rate is now remaining low". the doctor grab the little vacuum device and I was in pushing position again. she was clear and simply told me "courtney, I am not a hero. three pushes and if the baby is not coming out, you must go to the OR". nothing but agreement passed through my mind.

the baby was not coming out. so, they rushed me in the OR, and before we knew it they were pulling our baby out. my doctor and nurses were amazing. they were so quick, but at all times made me feel well taken care of. as they pulled my baby out, I watched my bub's eyes light up and then look at me. I heard these words "it's a BOY", "look at those big feet", "oh my he has a big head". but no cry, and as soon as I said "I don't hear him". I did. it was beautiful. that sound was music to my ears. I was so overjoyed. as they were wheeling him out and bub was going with them, the nurses said "what's his name?". I said it, even though it was still in question, because I just knew that was his name. and as I said "l...", it made me cry. not sure way, but I laid on that table and thanked the Lord for my beautiful son and keeping us all safe. here we were, new parents on july 17, 2007. this was exactly a year after we lost our first baby.

and now I am a mama a beautiful superman. he makes me want to be a better person. to speak softer. to love even more. he makes me happy.

for such a laid back little man, he sure made a dramatic entrance...

thanks for reading our long, but exciting story!

double l's pre-birth story

it all started months before double l was ever conceived. it was june 2006 and we were enjoying fixing up this old house as we just moved in a couple months prior. our baby "plan" was still a year or so from being a reality, so we were having a blast as a couple. during the last few weeks of june, I started to feel dizzy and a little sick to my stomach -- ALL THE TIME. what the heck, I kept thinking??? could I be? no-way? well, there is a way, but really? so I took a test a day before I was supposed to get my period. test results -- negative. "thought so...". got my period a few days later, light but certain it was. at this point, I had no clue what "break through bleeding was". we enjoyed 4th of july and went on with our summer plans. towards the middle of july, I was so excited for my annual exam with my lady doc. aren't we all? I kid. but by this point, I am so sick to my stomach and so confused about my negative test. at this point, I have gone from "no-way" to "bub, I think I am pregnant". so I pick up another test and in true bub fashion, he complained about how expensive they are & why would we waste the money since I was NOT preggers. oh boy, that test light up like a christmas tree. we looked at each other. shocked for a minute. and then praising the Lord for this wonderful surprise!!! my annual now turned into my first prenatal visit. I was so happy and overjoyed. I could not wait for my visit. at this point I was about 7 weeks, so the chance of hearing a heartbeat was filling my daydreams. everyday leading about to the visit, bub and I would talk about names. I still have the loose-leaf paper that we started. the day of my visit arrived and so did spotting! no pain, no cramping, but certainly blood spots. I was concerned, but never did I imagine what was about to happen. but it was happening. the "it" was I was miscarrying my first baby. I was losing the blessed surprise that the Lord had given us. the week and half that followed felt like an eternity! we dealt with the bed rest, the maybe this wasn't happening, to the "is this a tubal", to "you must have a d&e to rule out a tubal"... the days, weeks, months that followed were dark. I must admit. as I type this, tears stream down my face. I think of the baby I lost often.

come fall, we were ready. yep, ready to try again. green light from the doctor led to the first attempts! I remember the day before my period, I picked up a test. I took it -- negative. UGH! I thought. but also thought, we just try again :) after a week, no period, I wanted to take another test. and as expected, in true bub fashion, he complained about how expensive they were. looking back, we totally laugh about it. and just like a few months prior, the second test lit up like a christmas tree. once again, we were overjoyed and felt so blessed. and once again a couple of weeks past, the day before my doctor's visit, I started to spot. NO. NO. NO!! dropping to my knees. PLEASE NO! I picked myself up and went through the battery of blood test and ultrasounds. this time it was different, every test was better than last one. and than is happened, about 7 weeks, second u/s I saw it. I cried. I saw double l's heart thumping away on the monitor. tears rolling down my face, I called my bub. he was so happy for me, but totally bummed he missed it. I stayed on partial bed rest for the remaining weeks of my first trimester. oh, and made bub getting me a puppy. aw, my claire.

by week 14, there was no more spotting, oh and no more throwing up. YUCK! my second trimester was FABULOUS and filled with ice-cream. life was good and we prepped for baby. oh and gutted the kitchen, because we are crazy. but that's a whole other post! I thought to myself as I entered my last trimester that all drama was far behind us. again, I was so wrong.

at 32 weeks, we went on our "babymoon". we traveled across country to visit our family in the wine country. we met our beautiful niece, who was a little over a month old and relaxed in one of the most beautiful place in the US. yes, I was cleared by my doctor and yes, we can fly up until 36 weeks. just in case anyone was wondering. however, I won't be aloud the next time around and here's why....

the day before we were scheduled to get home, I woke up sick to my stomach. I spent most of my day throwing up. it was rough. I felt better by evening, but when it we went to bed, I could not rest. I did not sleep AT ALL. my stomach felt awful and I keep feeling pain in my back. morning came and we packed up the car heading to san fran to fly home. I no longer was vomiting, but felt horrible. I called my mom and told her all about it. she told me "stop talking to me and call your doctor NOW". like a good girl, I listened to her. my doctor was very concerned. I was showing signs of preeclampsia. I suffered from high blood pressure through my pregnancy and was tested almost weekly for preeclampsia, so I would have been surprised if it actually was. as always, we were so blessed to have my sister-in-law's high-risk OBGYN on call and in the santa rosa hospital to check me out. good news - I was not suffering from preeclampsia! bad news -- I was in pre-term labor with contractions 5 MINUTES apart. um yeah, the back pain -- that would be back labor COURTNEY! after 6 days in the hospital, we headed home. first AM flight, non-stop!! we landed. we praised God. the baby still safe and sound in my belly! my doctor (my PA doctor) put me on bed rest until 35.5 weeks. my contractions never stopped. for days they would hold steady at 12 minutes apart.

bed rest ended and I walked. I just knew this baby was going to arrive any day. at 37 weeks, I was 3cm and 98% efface. I walked around for 3 more weeks almost 4cm, contractions as close as 5 minutes apart for 20 hours straight, 2 hospital visits that resulting in me being sent home, and I just thought this baby was NEVER going to come out. so as I went days with little sleep, contractions monitored often and never letting up, but never pushing me into active labor, my doctor ordered for me to be induced on my due date. bummed, I was. my birth plan was to have a natural birth which was now completely fading away. not only was I given heavy drugs during my hospital stay in california, but now my doctor was telling me how hard my labor maybe once I am induced. so I threw my birth plan out the window and went with the flow.

the morning of my induction arrived, my due date! I called the hospital. um yeah, "you were postponed". apparently, they had a baby boomed and could not accept inductions. they needed the few rooms they had opened to remain opened for births that would may come in. I was bummed. I thought my baby was going to arrive that day. I called my mom and told her to stay at the beach until the new induction date.

little did we know, double l had his own plan!!

stay tuned for double l's birth story... like my pregnancy, it was dramatic (of course)!!!

the day you were born!

I can not believe double l will be 2 years old on friday. the excitement, fear and overwhelming joy that was his birth day is so vivid in my memory! I hope to post his birth story tomorrow.



for more wordless wednesday, click here.

inexpensive way to always have fresh flowers...

I try to keep fresh flowers in house throughout the year. when funds weren't as tight and before double l, I would have fresh cut flowers throughout our home. now, I normally keep them on the dining room table, which is a center room in this old house. we don't have a kitchen table, so the dining room one is our central command center. it's never set and most of the time has keys, mail, laptops, books, and crayons on it! but having fresh flowers in the center always make me feel better about the mess and brightens up my day.

gladiolus are the perfect flower to have in the middle of our table. they are tall and inexpensive. I can find a bunch in our local food stores (year-round) for $5 and under. and they last for weeks! which is an added plus, because I am not able to fit an extra $5 in the grocery budget it week.

after picking up a bunch on sunday, I even was motivated to clean off the table. so even though the table is not set (I just love how model homes always have a beautiful set table, but who the heck lives like that?) it still looks simple and pretty...



do you have any inexpensive finds that you use to brighten up your home? if so, you must share....

mommie bakes!

well, you know 'mommie blogs', but did you know mommie bakes? I do and I must say I enjoy it. so, when I find yummy recipes on other blogs, I must try them out. last week, over on "4 reluctant entertainers" sandy posted a yummy strawberry bread recipe. now, I don't know about you, but I always buy the huge container of strawberries, but we never seem to finish them before they start to get mushy. this is the perfect recipe for those, lets just call them, aged berries. I was so excited, I plopped my laptop on the counter, cut the strawberries and went to town with this very easy recipe.



they turned out great. they were as yummy as they looked. and since I made mini loaves, we shared them with gigi when we went to see here on sunday!


you should try the recipe and tell sandy how you like the bread.

***********************************

well, before we headed over to gigi's house on sunday, I also made this chocolate cake for pop-pop joe. it was his 50th birthday yesterday, so I wanted to make him his favorite -- chocolate cake with chocolate frosting!

I headed over to foodnetwork.com and search for what looked like a yummy chocolate cake recipe. I found one by paula deen, one of my favorite personalities on the food network. how could I go wrong, so I thought...

first, I had to buy some ingredients. I never cook or bake with buttermilk, so that was first on the list. I only focused on the cake ingredients, because (ahem) I rarely make frosting. store bought seems to always work so well :).

after running to the store after church, I started making the cake. here is a shot of my double broiler...



isn't it fancy? HA! in all seriousness, a glass bowl and pot work very well!

after baking the cake, we rushed over to gigi's and had a fabulous dinner (we ate out!). double l was perfect, or as close to perfect an almost 2 year old can be at a restaurant. and then headed home for cake & ice-cream. I have to be honest -- I did not like it. everyone told me it was great, but I know it wasn't. it was dry, so I know I baked it too long and the chocolate taste just was not good. you can try it out if you would like.

but I think I am going to stick to my favorite chocolate cake recipe. it's from nigella lawson -- out of her 'nigella bites' book. it's a flourless chocolate cake and it is truly heavenly.

I found a flourless brownie recipe on her site which is similar, so email me if you want the actual cake recipe or you can always grab the cookbook (which is one of my favorites!).

if you have yummy baking recipes on your blog, please leave me the link in the comments section! I would love to try them out...

frustration has set in

so, yesterday was rough, but I did weigh in. I just was not able to post about it. frustration has set in. and honestly, its frustration with myself.

I am not a good dieter. I am not consistent with exercise. up until I turned 27, I never had to be good at either. I was an athlete in high school and ate whatever I wanted. after I stopped playing sports, I curbed my diet a little, but never really had to be consistent with exercise to maintain my weight. by the time I was 25, I noticed that pounds could be gained fairly easy if I over indulged the desserts and fried food. so, I just limited my intake of those treats. still, I ate full fat, pastas and breads with no problem. by 27, I was getting married and noticed some bulging that I wanted to address. I worked out in preparation for THE DRESS (wedding dress that is...). as soon as my feet hit st. lucia soil (honeymoon) all exercise and dieting was out the window. but the little I did before the wedding was not that much effort, so I did not see an immediate swing in weight gain.

fast forward a year, we find ourselves in boston and I find myself gaining weight quickly. my clothes did not fit and I was shocked when during a routine doctor's visit I weighed 15 pounds heavier than the year prior. "oh my goodness", I thought. so I started on a road of serious dieting and exercise. I cut my calorie intake and worked out daily. I mean I CUT calories and COUNTED calories burned during every DAILY workout. In a couple months those 15 pound were gone and a few months after that, a few more pounds were gone and I was shopping for new clothes. clothes in a size I hadn't seen since the early '90s.

we moved backed a year and half later, and I maintained a weight about 5-8 pounds heavier than the "skinny courtney", which was no problem for me. I then got pregnant and boy did I gain weight. I gained 55 pounds (last count) and enjoyed every signature one. surprisingly, the 55 pound did not fall off immediately following double l's birth!

so, a long story short, for the past 2 years I have REALLY wanted to lose the weight and get my belly back. the key word is that I have wanted this NOT actually worked really hard at it.

so, I ask you "why the heck do I have to work 10 TIMES harder to be 15 heavier than I was 10 years ago?" How do you keep motivated? Make time?

I did jillian michael's level 3 yesterday. oh my goodness, it was rough, but I felt so good afterwards. now, I am sore, but still feel good. I worked out during naptime, which I never do. I think it worked well, because I normally workout at night. but sometimes by the time my bub gets home I am too tired and completely unmotivated. so at least mondays and wednesdays, I will be getting a consistent workout!

sadly, here they are...

STATS:
start weight - 138
week 1 - 136
week 2 - 136
week 3 - 137
week 4 - 137

we interrupt our regular scheduled wednesday post with a rough night sleep and AM visit to the doctor's office. low grade fever since sunday, some congestion, wet cough and a rough night sleep equaled congestion induced ear infections with nebulizer treatments back in full force. well at least that's what I thought. thankfully, double l's lungs are clear and ears fine. so no nebulizer. HOORAY!!! but he is getting his molars and that is causing a lot of discomfort. with that in mind, we will invest in some icy treats and extra hugs from mama. but for now, we are going to get lunch out and then a much needed nap for my little tired guy. I am thinking about joining him!

can't wait to visit your WW posts!

open letter to our local post office...

dear post office of my town,

we went to visit you yesterday early, well mid-morning. and coming off the 4th of july weekend, I expected a line. however, you did not. you had one person working the counter. why, exactly? not judging, just would like to understand the differences in our thought process. I expected to wait, but not 30 MINUTES! and due to my ability to put off the most important things, such as my son's 2nd birthday invitations and mailing my adorable nephew's baseball cap back to california, I had no choice but to wait. however, as you are painfully aware, I waited for 30 minutes in line with an almost 2 year old. I am sure that made you nervous as you did eventually open another line. but surprising us all, my son was entertaining and well behaved as well as a 2 year old could be. double l did throw NOT (oops updated) a tantrum or scream or break anything. of course, he wanted to touch the phillies posters and special birthday boxes. I mean, after 20 minutes in line, I wanted to touch them too. but more importantly double l entertained your customers. he ran around the line, which conveniently wrapped around like a circle, about 100 hundred times. and then broke out his shades making everyone in line smile and giggle. we could have protested, but we all fell in love with the cutest little man in town. not saying, you owe me as I am his mother... just wanted you to know!

signed,
courtney "the mother of that adorable little man"

p.s. don't mind the blurry iphone photo!

the simple woman's daybook ~ 7.6.2009

even though 'the simple woman's daybook' is on summer vacation (but grandmother gren is hosting), I thought it would be fun to post my monday morning tidbits...


For Today...

Outside my window... birds singing their morning song! breezy, but thinking it will warm up quickly!

I am thinking... of what double l and I must accomplish before gymboree class.

I am thankful for... the provisions that God has made for me every single day. my life is good!

From the kitchen... coffee brewing. oh, and I think I just heard the beep!!!

I am wearing... bermuda shorts (I know!! I shouldn't wear them), my tory burch flats (LOVE THEM and no pedicure) and a navy tee. no lazy morning around here. up and showered before the little man wakes up!

I am reading... no update here still on the night stand because I have been such a slow reader ~ becoming God's true woman by n. demoss.

I am hoping... I get all double l's birthday party invites out today. we are so late!

I am creating... a list of all our errands for the day. accomplishing half would be considered a success!

I am praying... healing for mamaw who is in the hospital.

Around the house... these hardwood floors need a good cleaning. its on the list!!!

One of my favorite things... taking family walks in the evenings. double l has been revolting against the stroller, but last night he jumped in it (it was in the dining room) and requested a walk. we took a long one. all four of us (me, bub, LL and claire). I did not know how much I missed those walks...

A few plans for the rest of the week... three days in the office, starting to organize the third floor, baking a cake for pop-pop joe's birthday and celebrating!

Here is a picture I am sharing with you... since double l's 2nd birthday party is coming up, here is a photo of his 1st birthday party!

our 4th of july...

I sure hope you all are enjoying your 4th of july. we are!!! we started the day off enjoying our adorable little town's parade. lucky us ~ the parade's staging area is on our street, so we see the entire parade without the crowds. double l LOVED it. last year, he was too small to enjoy it. but this year, he waved at the parade passing by, laughed and yelled "HELLO!!" to everyone going by. it made this 4th of july even more special than it already is... claire joined us (of course) and greeted all the other pups that passed by. she is the mayor of the town!

highlights are below. you'll find everything from the vets in our parade, a little "back to the future", some mummers and even a spotting of mommie in the baby pool. we finished off our day with a yummy cookout and we are just chillin' out for the rest of the evening!

ENJOY!

happy 4th of july!

off to our little town's parade, cookout later and hopefully we will see the fireworks from our porch this evening. but most of all, many thanks for our independence, democracy and blessed country! my prayers go out to all the men & women serving and their families!

enjoy your 4th! any special plans?

my jeans are never going to forgive me...

with family visiting, the last week and half have been hard for me to stay on track. even though I missed official weigh in last week, I did brave the scale. surprisingly, I gained nothing. however, I did not lose anything either. and today's weigh in, well that was a different story. before I revel the numbers, I do believe a special thanks needs to go out to my sister-in-law who makes delicious desserts and joined me in a mid-day milkshake at ruby's. many other thanks go out to the entire california crew who are ten times more fun than the gym (reason why I did not go!) and my MIL, who was kind enough to keep us fed!

yes, I gained a pound. and to be honest, I am surprised. I thought I would be right back to where I started. but I am not, and must get back on track this week. even with the 4th! I do not need ice-cream every night. I can make healthy, low fat alternatives for our cookout. I must eat breakfast. and I MUST workout! I popped in the jillian michael's shred DVD tonight and sweated so much my sports bra and shirt were so wet. it felt good and I must make a point to do that DVD or get my buns to the gym EVERYDAY! remember I am on a mission!

STATS:
start weight - 138
week 1 - 136
week 2 - 136
week 3 - 137


okay, off to comment with my stats over at the sisterhood. and I am going to try to avoid making jen's suggested dessert on this post (even though I already promised my husband). it totally looks YUMMY!

chasing fireflies...

the past week, we focused on family (from near & afar...)! and monday night, we had to say good-bye to the california crew, but not before we...

~ ate vanilla ice-cream on a mid-day trip to ruby's diner

~ skipped naps to avoid missing any fun

~ colored

~ ran around mimi & pops' house playing tag, hide & go seek, and just because...

~ jumped on the blow-up mattress for what felt like hours

~ tried out the big boy bike

~ got over fears of the big john deer

~ searched for frogs

~ chased fireflies

and most important bonded with cousins, aunties & uncles! sorry, but I just could not make this wordless!!









checkout more wordless wednesday @ 5M4M...

p.s. my baby nephew is missing from the photos. he was very much there with all of us, but decided to chill with the adults!